| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2006|08:28 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  guilty | ] |
Incase things end up the way they might... I'd just like to say:
Sayonara. |
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| I'm sorry. |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|11:35 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | i'm sorry... | ] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Captain Blunt - Goodbye Lover | ] |
I'm sorry that both of the phones died last night...
I'm sorry that my father takes the phone everynight because of the one night he found me under the desk and blames that I fell asleep there because I was so tired... even though I tell him I do it on purpose...
I'm sorry that even when my heart is begging you to come here and save me.... I can't ask for it...
I'm sorry that you have to deal with my patheticness...
I'm sorry that I'm annoying... even if you say it isn't unbearable...
I'm sorry that last night my father was up when I tried to take the phone...
I'm sorry that I pissed you off yesterday.... you should know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry that you had to see me be all blegh and cry-y last night...
I'm sorry that I'm so stupid...
I'm sorry that you have to deal with me...
I'm sorry that I called so many times last night, and in doing so, waking up your father...
I'm sorry that we live so far apart...
I'm sorry that my father blocked your number...
I'm sorry that I beg and beg you not to go to sleep... even though I end up letting you eventually...
I'm sorry that that woman on TV looked like a dude... (yeah sorry... had to put that one in here.)
I'm sorry that I get so jealous when you talk about Cassi... and now that you mention it... I get jealous when you just mention her name... wow... I'm a jealous person....
Hell, I'm done with specific's... I'm just sorry for everything...
Everything you've ever been through...
Everything I've done to you...
...just everything.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me. |
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| Captain Blunt.... |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|07:29 am] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  fucking pissed off | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Maroon 5- She Will Be Loved. | ] |
I hate the fact that everytime you call, and we fall asleep together on the phone... ya know after the hour of me begging you not to... and around 7:15 every morning.... my father takes the phone out of my hand, and either unplugs it, or just hangs it up. Mind you. I've known he's done it for the longest time... but I was actually concious (sp?) for this one. Holy shit, he gets pissed off easily.
I hate the fact that I don't get to see you.
I hate that you call soo late, I'm afraid I'm going to get in trouble.
I hate the fact that you have a girlfriend, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I hate that I think about you constantly, and doubt that you think about me at all. (because you have her)
I hate the fact that I can never wake you up in the morning like I want to.
I hate the fact that you're the only person who makes me feel safe.
I hate the fact that you make all of my troubles go away and make me happy.
I hate the fact that I have an entire playlist dedicated to you, and listen to it everynight when I fall asleep. (yes... Captain Blunt's in there)
I hate the fact that I spent 2 hours crying over you Christmas Morning from 1:05-3:05am.
I hate the fact that my father's such a jackass sometimes, and that you had to witness some of it.
I hate the fact that when I don't talk to you I'm scared out of my mind. (ask Noel)
I hate the fact that I talk about you constantly. Whether they know you or not.
I hate the fact that I'm awake right now, writing this.
and I hate the fact that this morning... when I was awake when my father took the phone, that I didn't do anything.
I want to wake you up and hear that cute voice you make everytime I do.
and yet I can't.
"But it's time to face the truth.... I will never be with you." |
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| Survery = love. |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|05:37 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Everybody Hurts- R.E.M. | ] |
10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color(s): dark red.
Favorite Food: mmm iced tea.
Favorite Band/Singer: captain blunt. (james blunt).
Favorite Song by them: you're beautiful.
Favorite Movie: moulin rouge. has been for 3 years now...
Favorite Sport: i dont have one.
Favorite Season: autumn.
Day Of the Week: friday.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: chocolate chip cookie dough.
9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: bored.
Current Taste: thin crust veggie lovers pizza.
Current Clothes: pajama pants, green sweater and a tanish brown wrap thingy.
Current Desktop: harry potter and the goblet of fire. (my sister invaded)
Current Toenail color: clear.
Current Time: 5:40pm.
Current Surroundings: a room.
Current Location: i never know what to call this room... its just there... upstairs living room i guess.
Current Thought: booooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrred
8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: lauren
First Pet: hamster, i dont remember it's name.
First Thought When you Woke Up This Morning: "damnit, the phone died."
First School: st. theresa's
First Crush: probably some kid from my kindergarden class.
First Cd: i think the lion king soundtrack
First Car: i'm still too young to drive.
7 LASTS
Last Cigarette: i don't smoke.
Last Drink: hot cocoa.
Last Car Ride: christmas. going home from my grandma's.
Last Kiss: hahaha last year.... in the beginning of november i think.
Last Movie Seen: serendipity
Last Phone Call: to adam. around 2am-ish. my phones kept dying.
Last CD Played: my chemical romance. blasting it because i know my parents and sister hate them.
6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: no.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: yeah.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: nope.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: no.
Have You Ever Been on TV: no.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: not that i recall.
5 things you did today
1. woke up.
2. went on the computer.
3. played with my puppy.
4. at some food.
5. talked to noel.
4 THINGS YOU'RE WEARING
1. green sweater.
2. pajams pants
3. socks.
4. tan-ish sweater hoodie over my green sweater.
3 THINGS YOU CAN HEAR RIGHTS NOW
1. everybody hurts - R.E.M.
2. my sister playing harry potter.
3. my guinea pig drinking.
2 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT
1. friends
2. music
1 THING YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED
1. myspace. |
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| Random Poem that just randomly came out. |
[Nov. 26th, 2005|12:47 am] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | The One - Shakira | ] |
Again I fall to my knees.
Only to look up,
and see your face looking down upon me.
My eyes bloodshot,
and make-up running down my face.
You ask me to give you space.
I beg and beg again.
But you still don't answer.
Your silence kills me.
I can't take it.
Please tell me.
One last time.
Before I meet my demise.
I try to get up,
but you don't lend a hand.
I stumble and fall again.
You still look at me,
and I see that glisten in your eyes,
as a tear slowly falls down your cheek,
and onto the ground before me.
I look at you as I finally arise,
and touch your face.
You don't move.
I ask what's wrong,
and you start to turn away.
I grab your hand and bring you towards me.
I ask again what's wrong,
and you stay as silent as before.
Tears fall down my face as I stammer to find words.
You turn to me,
and watch the tears fall down my face.
You say you can't.
I ask why.
You don't answer again.
You turn and walk away,
and I scream after you…
"Why can't you tell me you love me??" |
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| I give you surveys to read.... not entries. |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|08:37 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Seize The Day- Avenged Sevenfold | ] |
Q1) Sleep with or without clothes on? Definitly with. I feel wrong without clothes.
Q2) Prefer black or blue pens? Both. I go on and off, right now I use blue.
Q3) Dress up on Halloween? Haven't since I was 12.
Q4) Like to travel? Yes, a lot.
Q5) Like someone? Yeah
Q6) Do they know? I don't know.
Q7) Who sleeps with you every night? A random teddy bear in the corner of my bed.
Q8) Think you're attractive? Nope.
Q9) Want to get married? Yes.
Q10) To: Whoever comes along in life.
Q11) Are you a good student? When I want to be.
Q12) Are you currently happy? Right now? This very moment? No.
Q13) Have you ever cheated on someone? No.
Q14) Birthplace? Saratoga Springs, NY.
Q15) Christmas or Halloween? Christmas.
Q16) Colored or black-and-white photo? Black and white.
Q17) Do long distance relationships work? No.
Q18) Do you believe in astrology? Yeah.
Q19) Do you believe in love at first sight? Um, sure.
Q20) Do you consider yourself the life of the party? No.
Q21) Do you drink? Sometimes. Still have yet to get drunk though. And I drink a lot. I hold my liquor too well.
Q22) Do you make fun of people? If they are incredibly stupid.
Q23) Do you think dreams eventually come true? If you try enough.
Q24) Favorite fictional character? I don't know.
Q25) Go to the movies or rent? Both.
Q26) Have you ever moved? Yes, last year in January. I don't remember the exact date... I don't really want to.
Q27) Have you ever stolen anything? Yeah. A belt.
Q28) How's the weather right now? Cold.
Q29) Last time you cut your hair? A few days before the first day of school.
Q30) Last person you talked to on the phone? Lauren.
Q31) Last time you showered? Yesterday night.
Q32) Loud or soft music? Depends on my mood. Right now, loud.
Q33) Mcdonalds or Burger King? They each have their perks. Like McDonald's has root beer.
Q34) Night or day? Night.
Q35) Number of pillows? 2
Q36) Piano or guitar? Both.
Q37) Future job? I have no idea =(
Q38) Current job? I don't have a job.
Q39) Current love? I don't know.
Q40) Current longing? I don't know.
Q41) Current disappointment? Not seeing Harry Potter with Lauren. Only because I fucked everything up.
Q42) Current annoyance? Anyone who tried to talk to me when I was flipping out.
Q43) Last thing you ate? Dry, mouth cutting froot loops.
Q44) Last thing you bought? I don't buy anything.
Q45) Most recent thing you are looking forward to? I guess RENT on Wednesday.
Q46) What are you hearing right now? "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - Bonnie Tyler.
Q47) Plans for the weekend? Absolutely nothing. Another weekend wasted.
Q48) What did you do today? Woke up at 7, went to my basketball game, came home around 10-ish. Fell asleep. Played some video games. Tried to make plans, then fucked them up. That's about it.
Q49) Pick a lyric, any lyric or song? "
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over" |
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| surveys=l♥ve |
[Nov. 11th, 2005|09:41 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| | kinda creeped | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Bonnie Tyler- Turn Around | ] |
**4 years ago**
How old were you? 11
What grade were you in? 6th
Where did you go to school? St. Bonaventure
Where did you work? I didn't
Where did you live? South Buffalo
How was your hair style? Uhmm, shoulder length, flipped out. I think.
Did you wear braces? No
Did you wear contacts? No
Did you wear glasses? No
Who was your best friend? Lauren, Katie and Beth
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? I didn't have one.
Who was your celebrity crush? Harry Potter came out then, didn't it? Then Tom Felton.
Who was your regular-person crush? Probably Mark.
Were you a virgin? Yes
How many piercings did you have? None
How many tattoos did you have? None
What was your favorite band/group? Oh boy, I don't remember.
What was your biggest fear? Spiders?
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? No
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? No
Had you driven yet? No
If so what car(s): N/A
Which of your pets were still alive? None
Which members of your family were still alive? Died before then.
Which members of your family were not born yet? Jake, and Emily. If I have their ages right.
**NOW**
How old are you? 15
What school do you go to? St. Mary's in Lancaster
Where do you work? I don't work.
Where do you live? Lancaster
How is your hair style? Long, light brown
Do you wear braces? No
Do you wear contacts/glasses? No
Who is your best friend? Lauren, Erin, Jess, Chezz, Helen, and Katie
Who is your boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't have one.
How many piercings do you have? 2
How many tattoos do you have? None
What is favorite band/group? Spill Canvas, Green Day, and Coheed and Cambria. Yeah... I guess that's right.
What is your biggest fear? Being alone.
Do you smoke? No
Have you gotten drunk or get high? Buzzed, and high.
How did you meet the person who filled this out before you? Umm, 7th grade, she was a freshman, and from Lauren. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|10:21 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  Good question. | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Basketcase - Green Day | ] |
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about you. |
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| In School... |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|02:41 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy | ] |
So guys, I'm totally in school. Apres l'ecole. (After school for all those who don't speak french) It's kinda boring. We hooked up my iPod to Mr. Riders computer and we're listening to the 90's mix. Haha. Good times. I still have to do all 45 of my global articles. Bad times.
Mmkay, let's recap my past week or so. The play was totally kick ass. We were awesome. The first day went completely perfect, except for the fact that Cameron dropped his newspaper. But he saved it really well and said "They just don't make newspapers like they used to." It was funny. So, we did really well the first day, but the second day, I was pretending todust this little wall hanging on the wall, and it falls right off. All I did was pick it up, try to put it on, but it wouldn't, so I put it on the sideboard. Other than that, it was a kick ass show yet again. Thursday night, we all went to Hillview. Well, not really all of us, just some of us. And then Friday every single one of us went to Applebee's. I love that place. And oh my gosh, Friday night, when like Katie, Alice, and Tim did their speaches and gifts and stuff, I like cried, then we went backstage to the crossover, and like all of us bawled. The ruined me. Seriously, I was a wreck. It was bad, all of my make-up was gone. But whatever. Let's see, ohh yeah, on Friday, Lauren, Erin, Jess, and Chelsey were at the play. Lauren was like on the edge of her seat for Eric and mt scene where we almost kiss. Lmao. That was fun, the first day, I me and Eric like jumped on eachother because we finally got it right. Then the second night, we did the same thing, because his and my scene was like the only one I didn't fuck up that night. Friday, Lauren, Chelsea, Erin and Jess slept over, and we watched the new Ammityville Horror, but I fell asleep and woke up to gun shots, so I was afraid. Then I fell asleep again, and their pants traveled. (They watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) Then I woke up around 6:30 am, and went to my room, and kicked Erin out of my bed. lol. Speaking of which, I found her socks in my room. Then they all like left, except for Erin, and Lauren. Then Erin left when I was in the shower for basketball, and then I got home, and Lauren was still there. FYI: Basketball's going to suck this year. I hate the coach, but thats okay... I guess. He's teaching everything backwards, and no offense, but I think I would know, I've been going to Hilbert for 3 years now, being taught by college coaches, and college players. Uh duh. Hehe. It's stupid. Oh well, at least I have bowling. I'm on JV for that. And yeah, for basketball, this girl Taryn, who is really nice, is on Varsity for basketball. Umm yeah. She jsut tranfered here this year, and I don't think it's very fair. But that's just me. Mind you, she's good. But I don't think anyone can't be jealous for that. Whatever.
For Bio, myself, Kelly, and Erika are creating a song about stuff that we're learning about. Good times. Right now, Andy, Emily and Stephanie are in here doing articles, because they're smart. I'm not.
And oh my gosh!!!! Lauren, Erin, Jess and Chelsey bought me an Ashlee Simpson ticket!!!! I'm so freakin' excited!!! Je suis tres excite!! (I'm very excited) I just realized that when I'm like excited or happy or something, I end up speaking in french. But that's okay.
Well, I suppose I should go to my global articles, so I'll update later, most likely. Good times. Have fun reading about my life... stalkers...
<333Heather |
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| What turns you on? |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|09:03 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Trees - Marty Casey | ] |
Here's my answers....
GIRLS FILL OUT::Preppy: Not on, but not off.
Skater/Punk: Not on, but not off
Metrosexual: Not really.
Is taller than you: Totally on.
has straight teeth: Freakin' on! He has to have straight teeth, otherwise its gross.
Cocky: Off.
HIMBO: is that like a guy bimbo? hmmmmmm
Wears braces: No on, but not off.
Has green eyes: On
Has blue eyes: On
Has brown eyes: On
Has Hazel eyed: On
Drinks alcohol: Not on, but not off.
Smokes pot: Haha onnnn. jay kay. Not on, but not off.
Wears glasses: If they look cute on them, then its on.
Has a tan: On
Works out: On, as long as theyre not crazy about it
Smiles a lot: On
Calls you just to say Hi: Awww. It's not like a turn on like "i want to fuck you" turn on. but a cute turn on. lol
Lets you know he was thinking about you: On.
Compliments you: Aww. On. Compliments are nice. Even though i disagree with them half the time.
Doesn't party a lot: I don't know.
Likes to party: Not on, but not off.
Shaves his legs: Off. AS gross as leg hair is.... guys should have it.
Wears jewelry: As long as it's not girls jewelry.
Has facial hair: If it looks good on them, they can keep it.
Smiles when you walk in the room: Awwwww. On.
Has brown hair: On.
Has Black hair: On.
Has blonde hair: Definitly On. Blondie's are soo cute.
has red hair: If it works for them, more power to them.
Colorfull Hair: Eh. I really like natural colors better.
Can make you laugh at any given moment: On. I love to laugh.
Doesn't care what people think of you: On
Laid back: Not on, but not off.
Plays guitar: Definitly on. Love it.
Plays drums: On.
Sings: On. On. And more on.
WANTS to hang out with ONLY you: All the time? Off. He should have friends of his own, and I don't want to have someone obsess over me.
smokes cigarettes: Eww. Off.
Bites: Haha! I have no idea.
GUYS FILL OUT:: dresses like a slut:
dresses like a grandma:
dresses like a prep:
doesn't care what she wears:
plays musical instrument:
is shorter than you:
is same height as you:
is taller than you:
has straight teeth:
wears braces:
has chapped lips:
has green eyes:
has blue eyes:
has brown eyes:
has long hair:
has short hair:
drinks alcohol:
smokes cigarettes:
smokes weed:
wears glasses:
has blonde hair:
has brown hair:
has black hair:
has red hair:
works out:
smiles :
calls you just to say HI:
smacks your butt:
compliments you:
shaves her legs?:
wears jewelry:
has bigger feet than you:
has smaller feet than you:
smiles when you walk into the room:
wants to be a mom:
Belly piercing:
Virgin: on unless
Laid back:
Doesn't party a lot:
Likes to party:
laughs a lot:
gauged ears:
Tattoos:
Jokes around and wrestles with you: |
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| Tomorrow's the big 1-5. |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|02:26 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  I don't know. | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Ice Skating on channel 7. | ] |
Ho-kay. Tomorrow's my birthday. And honestly, I'm not excited in the least. I only received a card from my grandparents on my father's side.... who from the last time I talked to them, absolutely hated me. But whatever. I don't even think I'm having a family party. And my mother keeps badgering me about what I want for my birthday. She knows that for the past... at least 3 years I've had no idea what the hell I want. Meaning, just get me money. And I don't really think anyone cares anymore. Like... I don't know. My mom wants to take me out, but I mean, I have no idea what I want.... so what's the point of going shopping? I don't know... and like I just found out that I have a passion for pretty much everything I see. Like, I'm watching Ice Skating, and I'd like give my left arm just to ice skate. And like singing, and acting, and playing any instrument, and playing basketball. I'd do anything to be able to do them all well. I want to make something of myself, and be happy with who I am, but I don't know how. It kinda sucks. It sucks out loud. Gawd, I'm just pissed at the world right now. I'm done writing. Maybe I'll write something later. |
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| Fill this out bitches. Please?? |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|09:19 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| | chipper's a cool word | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Sheryl Crow- I'm a bitch | ] |
What Would You Do If...
1. I died:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I asked you out:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?:
What Do You Think Of My...
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Laugh:
13. Family:
Would You...
14. Be my friend?:
15. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
16. Hold my hand?:
17. Take a bullet for me?:
18. Keep in touch?:
19. Try and solve my problems?:
20. Love me?:
21. Date me?:
Have You Ever...
22. Lied to make me feel better?:
23. Wanted to kiss me?:
24. Wanted to ask me out but couldn't , if so why couldn't you?:
25. Broke my heart?:
26. Kept something important from me?:
27. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:
Random Stuff..
28. What reminds you of me?
29. If you could give me anything what would it be?
30. How well do you know me?
31. When's the last time you saw me? |
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| In school... |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|11:47 am] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Something classical in here. I don't know. | ] |
So, I'm in study hall right now, and I left to go to the media center because I'm sweet like that. yes,. I know I never update anymore, so what? Deal with it. This period last year, I was in Global. Good times. I miss Junik a lot. He was a hell of a lot better teacher then Schu is. Schu is a dumbass. I hate him. Okay, so maybe I don't hate him, I just dislike him greatly. I have lunch next, and I'm starving. But my dad didn't have any money to give me, so I'm going to end up begging Andy for some money. He's rich, he should have some. And if not, I'll just ask Rich. He loves me, he'll give me money. Noels typing her lab report next to me, and that keyboard is very lous. It's an old keyboard. You can tell. We leave here at 12:13, so I have a lot of time. Gooooood. lol. I jsut realized that I'm kind of really quiet. Like, Jordan just asked me for a pan, and I just kinda handed it to her without saying anything. It's kinda weird. I'm excited for lunch. And only a few certain people know why, which is good, because I don't want anyone to know. Haha. I just stole Noel's bracelet for the like 3rd time today. It's fun. I like it. By the way, Noel is a girl, not a guy. So don't go off thinking I'm flirting again. Haha, even though I do that a lot. lol. Bowling was fun. Except for Stephanie tripping me. I thought I was going to die. Haha, not really. Wow, I just realized how much of a nerd I am. I have one of these online journal things. I'm a nerd. Whatever. lol. But seriously, bowling was really really really fun! I saw like 5 people I know!! Let's see, I saw Jen Loft, Kasey from Jackdaw and lauren's b-day party, and this hott kid Steve that Jen knew. Apparently, he was her date for Prom last year. And she said he's an asshole. Ohh well. Haha. I also saw Helen!! She like attacked me with hugging. lol. She like slammed into me, and I was scared. lol. Well, I don't really have anything else to say, so I'll go now. Haha. Hope you all have fun reading about my life.... stalkers.
<33Heather
P.S. I love Christopher Michael Martino! He is gorgeous and he's my hero. Haha. |
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| I love surveys. They waste time. |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | My Doorbell- The White Stripes | ] |
Firsts:
First best friend: Lauren Spoth.
First car: I can't drive.
First real kiss: Brad Zimmer. Eww.
First break-up: I've never had a boyfriend, so I have yet to have a break-up.
First screen name: tommygirl with some numbers.
First funeral: I've never been to a funeral.
First pets: Some hamster when I was little. Probably called smalls or something.
First piercing: Ears.
First credit card: I don't have one.
First true love: I have yet to find this "true love" that you speak of.
First musicians you remember hearing in your house: Billy Joel or the Beach Boys.
lasts:
Last cigarette: I don't smoke.
Last car ride: Yesterday coming home from school.
Last good cry: Yesterday... because of Katie and Brian.
Last library book checked out: "Where Are The Children?" - Mary Higgins Clark.
Last movie seen: In theaters: don't remember. At home: I, Robot.
Last phone call: Adam... no I lied, Nathan.
Last time showered:Yesterday morning.
Last shoes worn: My reeboks.
Last cd played: A mix of songs I sing and fall asleep to. Kinda reminded me of Katie... so yeah.
Last item bought: Iced Cappuccino and an onion bagel with veggie cream cheese from Timmy Ho's.
Last annoyance: Myself and not being able to tell people they've hurt me without hurting them. Just my emotions, I guess.
Last disappointment: Myself.
Last time wanting to die: Last year... the whole entire school year.
Last shirt worn: My D.A.R.E shirt from like 5th grade.
Last website visited: LiveJournal.
Last word you said: "Okay."
Last song you sang: "You Already Won Me Over" - Alanis Morissette.
What is in your cd player?: A mix.
What color socks are you wearing?: I'm not wearing socks.
What Color underwear are you wearing?: White.
What's under your bed?: Nothing.
What time did you wake up today?: Six AM.
Currents:
Current mood: Insecure and worried.
Current music: Again I go unnoticed - Dashboard Confessional.
Current hair: Bun.
Current clothes: My blue shorts, pajama pants over them, my Tokyo hoodie, and my D.A.R.E. shirt.
Current annoyance(s):Myself and not being able to tell people they've hurt me without hurting them. Just my emotions, I guess.
Current desktop picture: Spike Spiegel smoking. Drawn by someone.
Current book(s): I don't read often, but I plan on doing so.
Current color of toenails: Not painted.
Current time-wasting wish: I wish I didn't say what I said to Nick. I feel really bad. But I told him the truth, so I don't know.
Current hate: Myself.
TWO YEARS AGO
1. Who was your closest friend? Katie Williams, Beth Covely, and Lauren Spoth.
2. What did you expect to do for summer break? Hang out with all my friends without drama.
3. Who did you love? I'd rather not say.
4. Who did you hate? No one.
5. What was your favorite song? I don't remember.
6. Book? I didn't read then, and I don't read now.
7. What did you care about the most? Staying in touch with my friends after we all wgraduated and went to different schools.
8. How did you feel? Alright, better then I do now I guess.
9. What did you do in your spare time? Hung out, went on the computer. Things have changed...
10. What did you want to do with your life? Become and actress or singer.
ONE YEAR AGO
1. Who was your closest friend? Lauren Spoth and Katie Williams.
2. What did you expect to do for summer break? Hang with all my friends and actually see Katie.
3. Who did you love? I'd rather not say.
4. Who did you hate? I don't hate people.
5. What was your favorite song? I don't remember.
6. Book? Go Ask Alice.
7. What did you care about the most? Hanging out with Katie.
8. How did you feel? Empty. Very empty. I felt... I felt like I was in a hole... and I couldn't ever get out.
9. What did you do in your spare time? Talked to people online, tried to hang out with my friends.
10. What did you want to do with your life? Become and actress or singer.
NOW
1. Who is your closest friend? Lauren Spoth, Chelsey Rosoloski, Erin Weaver, Jess Zimmerman, Helen Wolkowicz ((sorry helen, idk how to spell that)) and Katie Williams. ((Ironic how it's no on in my school))
2. What do you expect to do for summer break? Hang out with everyone I care for.
3. Who do you love? I don't love anyone. Well boys at least, I love all my friends.
4. Who do you hate? I still don't hate anyone.
5. What is your favorite song? I don't have a favorite song.
6. Book? I don't read.
7. What do you care about the most? Refer to all of my closest friends.
8. How do you feel? Alright, could be better.
9. What do you do in your spare time? Hnag out with my friends or sing, or sleep. Sleep is good.
10. What do you want to do with your life? Love myself. I don't really care where I'm headed, I just want to be happy. |
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| More surveys! |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|12:38 am] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Third Eye Blind- Jumper | ] |
[jewelry worn daily]i dont wear jewelry.
[pillow cover] umm like a maroonish.
[shoes] uhmm. my roos, and my reeboks.
[cologne/perfume] ummm "pink" i think (haha i rhymned)
[piercings] 2
[clothes your wearing now]jeans, and a hoodie. and a shirt underneath.
[hair] long light brown.
[room] huh? its big. and smells like dog.
MIXED QUESTIONS:
[after this]umm go to sleep.
[talking to] nick.
[eating] gum
[some of your fav. movies] too many to say.
[something youre looking forward to in the upcoming months] ummmmm my birthday! lol.
[something you fear] being alone.
[three cities you wouldn't mind relocating to]NYC, London, Paris.
[some of your fav. foods]i love almost all food.
[something you wish you could understand better] myself....
[have you missed someone you haven't seen in a long time] yeah........
[like candles] candles=love.
[like incense]yes.
[believe in love] yeah
[believe in love at first sight] i dont know....
[want to get married] yes.
[want to have kids] yes.
IN THE LAST 24 HRS HAVE YOU:
[cried] yes
[bought something]no
[sang] yes.
[eaten] yes.
[been kissed] no
[felt stupid] yes
[wanted to tell someone you liked them, but didn't]yes
[met someone new] yes.
[moved on] no
[talked to an ex] i dont have any ex's.
[missed an ex] refer to above.
[talked to someone you have a crush on] yupp.
[missed someone] yes
[hugged someone] yes.
[fought with your parents] lol yeah.
SOCIAL LIFE:
[boyfriend/girlfriend]no
[how long have u been with this person] refer to the above.
[who is it?] refer to the above.
[hobbies] singing... being lazy? writing...
[are you the center of attention] eh. naw.
[would you rather be with friends or on a date] bring my bf out w/ my friends? lol best of both worlds
[attend church] hahahaah no
[like being around people] friends- yes. others- no.
PERSONAL:
[who is your role model] i do not have a role model.
[pet peeves] misspelled words!! lol.
[ever liked someone you had no chance with] haha my life story.
[ever lied to your best friend] nope.
[ever wanted to get revenge on someone b/c they hurt you] yeah... but then i forgive them anyway.
[have a certain "type" of person you go after] no
[rather have a relationship or "hook-up"] relationship.
[what is your fav. part of your physical appearance] umm deff. my eyes and hair.
[what is your fav. part of your emotional being] i dont like any part of my "emotional being"
[are you happy with yourself] hahahhahha. no.
[ IN YOUR ROOM ]
What size of bed do you have?: ummmm twin maybe? idk, whatever it is, its small.
Is your floor carpeted?: yes.
Do you keep your room clean, or is there junk all over the floor?: inbetween.
Are you allowed to eat in your room?: yes, i do it all the time.
[ ABOUT YOU ]
Are you male or female?: female.
Are you sure?: lmao. yeah.
Do you have any piercings? what?: yeah
Are you single or married?: single.
Do you have any tattoos? what?:no
Do you like your name?: not really.
Do you shave your legs?: lol yes.
[ MISC. ]
Do you have a job?: no
Is your computer slow?: not really.
What do you hear right now?: oasis- stop crying your heart out.
What do you smell right now?: umm dog.
Are you alone in the room?:yupp. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|05:08 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| | i have a headache | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | emily- from first to last | ] |
WOULD YOU RATHER:
1) pierce your nose or tongue?: tongue
2) be serious or be funny?: funny
3) drink whole or skim milk?: umm 1%
ARE YOU:
4) simple or complicated?: complicated
DO YOU PREFER:
5) flowers or angels?: woah.... idk.
6) grey or gray?: grey
7) color or black-and-white photos?: both.
8) lust or love?: love
9) sunrise or sunset?: sunset
10) M&Ms or Skittles?: both!
11) rap or rock?: rock
12) staying up late or getting up early? staying up late
13) TV or radio?: TV
14) eating apples or oranges?: apples
THE TRUTH:
15) Do you have a crush?: yes
16) Who is it?: im not saying.
DO YOU PREFER:
17) being hot or cold?: cold.
18) tall or short people?: tall guys, doesnt matter for girls.
19) sun or moon?: moon
20) emeralds or rubies?:both.
21) left or right? right
22) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend?: 1 best friend
23) sun or rain?: rain
24) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? vanilla.
25) What is your biggest fear in the world?: I have no idea....
27) Cats or dogs?: both!
28) Half empty or half full?: umm right now i see it half empty. but sometimes i see it half full. whatev.
29) Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup
30) Hard cover books or soft cover books?: hardcover
31) newspaper or magazine?: magazine. newspapers make my hands all gross.
32) Sandals or sneakers? sneakers
33) Wonder or amazement?: wonder
34) Red car or white car?: red car
35) Happy and poor or sad and rich? happy and poor
36) Singing or dancing?: singing. releases my emotions. makes me feel better.
37) Hugging or kissing?: depends on the person.
38) Happy or sad?: happy= goodness.
39) Blondes, brunettes? yes.
ABOUT YOU:
What time is it?: 5:24 pm
Nicknames: Heather, Huggie Bear, Kitty. uhhh thats it.
Eye color?: hazel-ish. they change, so you tell me.
Hair color?: light brown?
WHAT DO YOU WANT:
Where do you want to live? Hmm, I don't know yet.
How many kids do you want?:2, one boy, one girl.
Do you want to get married?: yes.
WHICH IS BETTER:
2 doors or 4 (on a car)?: 2
Coffee or ice cream?: theyre equal in my book.
Shampoo or conditioner?: shampoo
Bridges or tunnels: bridges
FAVORITES:
Salad dressing?: catalina, ranch, or thousand island.
Color of socks?: I don't know.
Non-alcoholic drink: Root Beer.
RANDOM:
1 minute ago: doing this survey.
1 day ago: did my religion project.
1 week ago: was in school.
1 month ago: ummm having fun not being in school.
1 YEAR AGO: i was a freshman.
I AM: sa-weeeet.
Wearing: my st. marys uniform. eww.
Current Music: emily- from first to last
Current Hair: up and light brown.
Current Smell: my house? idk.
Current Favorite Shows: Laguna Beach. lol.
Current Book: I don't read.
Current Refreshment?: good ol' air.
Current time: 5:38pm |
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| What happened September 10th, 2005.... |
[Sep. 16th, 2005|11:14 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Because of You- Kelly Clarkson | ] |
Well, Lauren, Jess, Erin, Chelsey, Renee, Casey, Ally and myself went to the Irish Feis to see Jackdaw. Crazy times. For like the first 10 minutes before Jackdaw actually started, I hung out with Katie, Brian, Jami, Matt, Jenn, this girl Kat, and this kid Anthony who I swear I used to hang out with when I was younger, but whatever. And once Jackdaw started, I went back with Lauren and the group, and we saw Jackdaw. Good times! Like, really good times. Okay, so Jackdaw ended, and we all started hanging out with all these other kids that I didn't know, and we like made a giant line of people, with our arms linked together. O.o. It was odd. Haha. Then we got to like this place.... and people left... then like Jess or someone called this kid's cell, and talked to Ally because Lauren couldn't understand her, and she told Lauren to call Riy, so she did, and he said that Erin's like worried about Lauren. We had no idea wtf was going on. It was crazy. So then like we ended up walking back to Lauren's house, and these other people were still with us, and Diane, being uber uber uber drunk like interrogated them, and I was pissed off because I thought my dad had something to do with it, but it ended up he didnt, and so me and him left. One of the first things my dad says to me is "I'm dissappointed at you for 2 reasons... and you should know the first" and I'm like "what?? I definitly don't, please explain" and he's like "who did you go to Jackdaw with? and who did you end up hanging out with?" and I'm like "Lauren... and everyone else." and he's like "no..." and I'm like... "I hung out with Katie too" and he's like "So, you ditched Lauren, the person you were suppose to hang out with, to hang out with Katie?" and I'm like "No, I hung out with Katie for like 10 minutes before Jackdaw started" and he's like "That's still ditching lauren" and im like "No its not, she was fine with it because she understands that you hate katie and wont let me see her" and he just goes off about all this shit, which is all fuzzy, and I just remember getting hysterical and like yelling at him about something along the lines of "Why do you even hate katie?! She didnt do anything to you! She didnt do anything at all! You hate her, and shes on of my best friends, and you hate her! You dont even understand about how heart breaking it is to know that my father hates one of my best friends!" and then i remember him like going off about how i get an attitude whenever he mentions katie and still hysterical, i like yell at him while bawling my eyes out, something like "Yeah! You want to know why i do?! Because you hate her and that pisses me off! You dont even understand! I get an attitude because I feel you're ganging up on me, and I get defensive! You hating Katie just happens to be a personal problem, and you know I can't talk to you about anything personal, and I haven't been able to for a year! And on that note, this is when we stop talking..." and for the rest of the car ride home I like stare out the window crying.... and I like vaguely remember him trying to talk to me and then bitching about me giving him the "silent treatment"
And that was what happend September 10th, 2005.....
One of the best and worst days of my life....
The End.... |
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|
| Junk in the trunk to get you drunk |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|10:16 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | From First to Last - Emily | ] |
I am updating because I have a lack of them, and Lauren checks my eljay religiously so this is for her. lol.
Okay well, it's been a week since school started, and it's alright I guess... I don't know. I'm actually doing my homework... and I've only copied something once, and Schu didn't even look at it, so I like wasted my time, but whatever. Today was Liturgy. I sang with the vocal crew. Good times. I think we did really well, and it's much better than last years. I'm honestly considering doing a solo. I don't know yet, I've gotta talk to Mr. Holden about that. Auditions for Dinner Theatre were today. Funn. I was honestly really nervous... I don't know why. It was weird. I might go back tomorrow and actually show them what I can do, because there's 2 days for the auditions, and my name was technically on the list for tomorrow, but I did it today. Whatev. I feel I can just show them so much more. I really really do. Like today I read my monologue WAY too fast, and Mr. Herr had to tell me to slow down. And I did, and he and Mrs. Baer said it was good, but good really isn't good enough because they've like already picked out whose going to play who, and I want to change their minds and show them something amazing and spectacular. This year, I'm just planning to go over the top with everything. I want to acheive something, and be known for something, I feel like a nobody. It's bad. And I'm typing this and thinking "wtf?" lol. I had an apple juice for lunch, and then I came home and ate like everything. Diets + me dont work out so well. Blegh. I need to loose weight. I'm so effing fat it's disgusting.
Haha. Schu kinda slapped me today because I called myself stupid because he was confusing me a lot. i end up being right, but he acts like im not, and it's just annoying. Speaking of him and global, I have to start articles soon. 5 a week. that's gay.
We bought more juice today! I was like yes!! lol. We now have grape juice, two HUUGE things of apple juice, and some 7up, and chips. lol. I love it how fat my family is. Well fat in the fact that we eat a lot, because I'm the only fat one in my family. Did you know that my grandparents went on that subway diet and it actually worked? lol. I was like wow. Go grandma and grandpa! lol. I wish I had the like patience and stuff to go on a diet and what not.
I'm ending my entry with...
Low self-esteem sucks.
The End. |
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|
| Last day of freedom. |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|12:58 pm] |
| [ | what I feel |
| |  blegh. | ] |
| [ | music is life |
| | Shiny Toy Guns- Le Disko | ] |
Okay. So, school's tomorrow. All freshman went in today, and guess what? I'm not a freshman anymore! I honestly think that's the only thing I'm excited for. lol. Well, also Dinner Theatre, the Musical, and Java Jive. I'm trying to write my own music or poetry for it, but all of it sucks. Whatev. School, in all its entirity just makes me nervous. I don't know why. Blegh. Ken, Joe and Jim are coming to my school. Yey! lol. Man, I used to hate Ken.... that's crazy. lol. I defintily don't hate him anymore, he's an awesome kid. But I still hate Joe. lol.
I hate school.
That is all. |
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